thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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