He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
