No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When are your genitals available?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
