And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
