Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
