So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
