haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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