I wish they made helmets for livers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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