So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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