My sheets look like a crime scene.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
