I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
