I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You ruined the universe
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
