it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
