Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
