meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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