dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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