I accidentally had phone sex last night
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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