I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
