i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
