lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
