apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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