don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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