***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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