And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
