I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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