OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
