She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
