I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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