There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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