Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we have pet lesbian snakes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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