im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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