Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
