my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I came so hard my ears popped.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
