Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
