Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
