I'm lost and stupid without you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
