Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
