Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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