Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
