I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
