the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
