People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
