if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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