It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
