you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
