I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
