Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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