Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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