I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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