How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
