Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
